Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize