I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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