there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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