On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
