i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
