I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
