He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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