I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize