I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
