can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The uberlube is also flammable
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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