i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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