i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
