Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
