You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
