Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
