quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize