Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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