God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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