Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
