what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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