Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
