What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
