Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
