This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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