Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
