girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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