First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have aggressive nipples.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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