hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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