In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
