I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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