That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
