I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
