i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize