Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
