The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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