toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize