I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
