My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize