My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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