You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Damn victory sex feels great
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
