I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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