Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
