yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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