For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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