I want to make a zoo with you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize