my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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