"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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