woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
