i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
