I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
