you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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