I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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