its not stalking. its research.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
