I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
