2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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