I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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