Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
