You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Two words: blizzard sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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