hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
