Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
