Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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