I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
