forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
