Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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