i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
