I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
