she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I understand Curling. That high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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