Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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