Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
