u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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