Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
